Is this it?

I realized something's amiss when I can hardly look him in the eye without significant effort anymore. Or that there seems to be a thousand butterflies waking up and simultaneously fluttering their wings in the pit of my stomach every time I do so, much more so when we touch. I would have scoffed at this very description had I heard it a few months before. But the past few weeks had been a crazy roller coaster ride, one I did not intend to ride on, but definitely did not regret riding on to. I was confident enough that I had put my straps well, for I didn't expect to fall. But now, I'm irrevocably falling... if I hadn't fall already. I know how cliche it sounds, but it's really true for me what they say that the one you'll love will always be the exception. Not that I agree. Why can't it be the perfect guy I've been crushing on for the past few years? But no, it has to be that guy, who friends will have mixed feelings whether he's good for you or not. If truth be told, I think that deep down, they question the choice of person...in other words--plain and simple words, he's not right for me. I'm actually aware of it and in my mind, I know it to be true. However, it seems that my heart has betrayed my mind, and my traitorous body has become mindless in following my heart, reacting in ways before even my mind can comprehend as though a reflex.

Before I go schizo and start debating with myself, I'd rather not try to justify my actions, or my thoughts, and just accept that things happen for a reason, and that I really feel the way that I do. I don't know what the future brings, and being the forever optimist that I am, I hope that things turn out well. Whether I'm heading for a disaster, or a happily-ever-after, only God knows. I will try to be ready.

Good times!

Ten years and counting....;)

High School Life

I've just attended our high school batch reunion (9th year) and realized, not much has changed for me since then, except for the title before my name. It was not well attended, just around 40 persons (not even 1 section) and I blame this on the weather. Some who promised to come did not make it owing to the heavy downpour just a few minutes before showtime. But still, I had such a blast, I feel so blest to have such classmates, to have found enduring friendships among a variety of personalities.

I know I have been missing on a lot of things, but this is not to say I did not enjoy the kind of life that I have chosen. With the 10-year reunion fast approaching, already in January, realizations began hitting me left, right and center. I've only begun my career (not even, since I have yet to pass the boards in August), while others have already established theirs; I haven't even had a serious relationship up to now, though my current status deserves a Facebook's "it's complicated" status, the most that I have other than "single", while others already have children (yes, more than 1); others have long flown away from their nests and lived independently, while I'm still dependent on my parents' allowance.

I don't mean to compare, or even compete, for I know there are also others way behind me. But still, time is running out. They say it's not the years in your life, but the life in your years. I've always thought that despite not yet achieving those aforementioned things, I've lived enough life in my years. But with recent events, I realized, it wasn't nearly as lively as I originally thought. Now, I thank God I did the things that I did. I have no regrets, though things may seem so messed up. I always believe everything happens for a reason. And behind the darkest cloud is a silver lining...or something like that..haha!

Time Flies

And I thought the last time I blogged was just a few months ago...well, that few months is actually almost a year now. Times have been busy...but in between, there was actually some space, though not much to talk about. And when there was so much to talk about, the time to blog seems elusive, and only goes as far as the time I drive from the hospital to the house, after which I would then forget, that I was actually planning to blog it.

Anyhow, as 2 more days remain before we cross over to another year, I hope to recount the many things, many "firsts", that has come my way since I last blogged. I would have liked to share those that happened in the first to third quarters of this year but the story already seems stale, and the minute details have since escaped my memory. But then again, the last quarter, in fact, the last month, have been filled with some of the most memorable experiences I had, it feels like I've only begun living my life.

AnecDocs

During one of our rotations in the psychiatric ward, my classmate asked one patient why he was admitted. But he just sang. It would have appeared that he deliberately ignored her...it's just that the lyrics go "...coz I'm half crazy..." Well, i couldn't have said it better myself!