Peace time

As I always say, I'm a peaceful person, because everytime I'm on duty, it is relatively 'peace time'. In fact, to prove yet this 'charm', I have composed these two entries while in the ER. Amazing right? And thank God for that!

Although, I would say right now that the reason nobody's going to the hospital is that they are at the park to watch the Kabulakan Festival of Dumaguete. :P

Preggy tales

In my previous duty at the ER,I didn't realize immediately that I was surrounded by moms and moms-to-be. Afterall, there were only about a couple of middle age women there. The others, I speculated to be around my age range, or at least, still in there 20's. 

It started when N1, who's actually tying the knot in less than 2 weeks, went for a pregnancy test. She was probably excited to start her family and the others became excited also on how it would turn out, even guessing by themselves the outcome based on N1's symptoms. 

There weren't a lot of patients that day and I was supposedly using my time to study but I couldn't help overhearing their tales on the road to motherhood.

There was N2, who was actually 4 months on the way. She was a smaller woman than me and about my age too. I didn't notice until they mentioned it. (Shocked! But I kept it to myself)

N3, who I remembered was actually a batchmate in college, already had a 2-year old child. (Ooohh...)

Then there was A1, who's already on her 40's, relating how she became a mother just a couple or so years ago.

I was probably the only 'single lady' in that room, and most definitely the least experienced when it comes to that thing. Good thing too they didn't start on bedroom tales and I might have to leave the room. (Heck, I haven't got any experience at all.) As it turned out, N1's result was negative. Aw. Maybe it was too soon.

Happy Puppets

There's a reason we call ourselves the Happy Puppets. I don't exactly remember how it came to be that we call ourselves that. All I do remember is that we encountered this term in Patho class, describing a group of individuals exhibiting a gene abnormality that makes the bearer look like the characteristic puppet.

For some bizarre reason, it stuck in our minds, and got to associating the term to our own group. With good reason. First of all, there have always been an air of cheery aura in our class. We almost always never get too depressed, because we know how to best manage it: go to our favorite videoke place!
Or pig out! Nothing better than food trip!
Or just stay in the car and ride around the city the whole night! O.B.T.! O.B.T.!

Eversince we started this scholastic journey, we have been infinitely compared to the previous batch. And more so since we are distinctly different. Maybe because the pressure is high on them, being the pioneering batch, while we can always find ways to get away with things, being less pressured as the second batch.

Someone recently commented "Lahi ra jud mo'g aura". She's referring to our attitudes during our clerkship. The first batch were full of complaints, tattletales and feelings bordering on giving up during the first few weeks of clerkship. We did hear about how they would cry due to stress, fatigue, humiliation, and all those "di ko na kaya" tagline.

Us? We laugh our way through. We seem to be always smiling, so they say. It's as if we have no worries at all. That's the Happy Puppets for you!

As for my part, I'm not dwelling on the negative stuff, but on the positive. In fact, I'm actually enjoying what I do. I got to appreciate more the cases that we have only been studying theoretically from the past 2 years of med school. Although, there were actually times that I even felt bored (?), even with all the work I have to do. Hmmm. Say what?

I belong

Eversince starting medical school, this is the first time that I truly feel one with the field. I really am enjoying what I do. It may be stressful at times, but maybe because more often than not, I am not a toxic person so I am able to truly enjoy what I do.

When we were still starting in med school, there were hard times (extra hard examinations where we all failed), and some of my classmates were keen on continuing despite that because this is "their calling". I haven't really felt that. It was more of a job that needs to be done, something that I had started and now oblige to finish, but never because I really wanted it. I did like it of course (problem: one of the many likes), not just with the same fervor as them, and it kind of bother me at times. At the back of my mind, I still really want to do something else. I take this as part of my journey in discovering my true calling, and I always see myself in the future doing something else. I was already counting the years, of when I can be done with this and start doing another stuff. As most of our professors would tell us, this is a lifelong profession. Now, how would I ever get out?

But just recently, I was doing what I was supposed to do for a Junior Intern, and not being toxicated by stress and overflowing histories and progress notes, I was truly able to appreciate what we are doing, and I felt that I am one with this place. I enjoyed the time that I am spending in the hospital, with my friends and even with the patients at times. I enjoy the fact that I am getting better with what I'm doing, learning lots of new stuff, and learning new techniques.

I always try to justify my feelings. So I said to myself, the main reason I'm already enjoying this internship is because I'm already getting the hang of things. I don't know with my other classmates, but now, I'm not so lost as I was a month ago. And like I said, I'm not a toxic person so I'm able to get into my own pace and be my own person. However, tomorrow we'll be starting another rotation, and only three of us will be left in the ward. Meaning, the bulk of the stress, divided into six, will now be divided to three only. But I'm still positive that I can do this, having this new enlightened heart. I only have my faith in God that He will deliver me from any of my difficulties.

Sleepy heads

Just some candid shots (more like stolen :P) from our first few days of junior internship.






Who got caught? the camera's still rolling...^ ^

Hungry Young Poet

Every time I feel inspired over an XY chromosome-related stuff, I feel the urge to write. My hopeless romantic side would kick in and I find myself stringing poetic (kuno) verses into paper. And it's not only the inspiration phase but everytime I feel a strong emotion towards the object of my affection. It could be the heartbreaking part that's intense enough to make me get a pen and paper and write.

I was recently inspired by XY, something I haven't really been in a long time. Something clicked in the corner of my mind and I suddenly recalled having a blank book where I write all those poems I had written since high school. It had been a long time indeed, for last I wrote was January 2005. Wow. Too long it has been. Just so in case my memory fails me, I always wrote in the back of the page who I'm referring to.

Having been reunited with this book, I reread some, trying to connect the feelings embodied in the poems to who I am right now. Well, this put things into perspective about time making me grow in numbers. ( I hope too, that my maturation level has grown as well)

A particular song immediately came to mind. "I remember the boy, but I don't remember the feeling anymore". LOL. I might remember the feeling, as expressed by my writings, but I feel so detached from them that I could only laugh from my own foolishness. But is it really foolish? At one point in time, I truly did feel those emotions. I might have exaggerated a bit to express my poetic freedom though.

So where was I in the last 4 years? Only two things:

First, I haven't found an inspiration in that time period.

Second, I had completely forgotten that I own this particular book.

It's more likely the first since if I had been inspired enough to write, then I would know where to write it. Like what happened now.

What's amazing was, the person I'm referring to in probably the last three entries I had 4 years ago, is the same person I'm referring to now.

Hmm. logically, it follows that throughout those years of searching, I still harbor affection for this person. Of course, I know I do. I should know right? I'm just not sure about the intensity of it, whether time had made it wax or wane.

It remains to be seen. Anything goes. But I got myself hoping again. Am I ready? I feel that I am.


**so? I am hungry. And of course still young! LOL**