Eversince starting medical school, this is the first time that I truly feel one with the field. I really am enjoying what I do. It may be stressful at times, but maybe because more often than not, I am not a toxic person so I am able to truly enjoy what I do.
When we were still starting in med school, there were hard times (extra hard examinations where we all failed), and some of my classmates were keen on continuing despite that because this is "their calling". I haven't really felt that. It was more of a job that needs to be done, something that I had started and now oblige to finish, but never because I really wanted it. I did like it of course (problem: one of the many likes), not just with the same fervor as them, and it kind of bother me at times. At the back of my mind, I still really want to do something else. I take this as part of my journey in discovering my true calling, and I always see myself in the future doing something else. I was already counting the years, of when I can be done with this and start doing another stuff. As most of our professors would tell us, this is a lifelong profession. Now, how would I ever get out?
But just recently, I was doing what I was supposed to do for a Junior Intern, and not being toxicated by stress and overflowing histories and progress notes, I was truly able to appreciate what we are doing, and I felt that I am one with this place. I enjoyed the time that I am spending in the hospital, with my friends and even with the patients at times. I enjoy the fact that I am getting better with what I'm doing, learning lots of new stuff, and learning new techniques.
I always try to justify my feelings. So I said to myself, the main reason I'm already enjoying this internship is because I'm already getting the hang of things. I don't know with my other classmates, but now, I'm not so lost as I was a month ago. And like I said, I'm not a toxic person so I'm able to get into my own pace and be my own person. However, tomorrow we'll be starting another rotation, and only three of us will be left in the ward. Meaning, the bulk of the stress, divided into six, will now be divided to three only. But I'm still positive that I can do this, having this new enlightened heart. I only have my faith in God that He will deliver me from any of my difficulties.
When we were still starting in med school, there were hard times (extra hard examinations where we all failed), and some of my classmates were keen on continuing despite that because this is "their calling". I haven't really felt that. It was more of a job that needs to be done, something that I had started and now oblige to finish, but never because I really wanted it. I did like it of course (problem: one of the many likes), not just with the same fervor as them, and it kind of bother me at times. At the back of my mind, I still really want to do something else. I take this as part of my journey in discovering my true calling, and I always see myself in the future doing something else. I was already counting the years, of when I can be done with this and start doing another stuff. As most of our professors would tell us, this is a lifelong profession. Now, how would I ever get out?
But just recently, I was doing what I was supposed to do for a Junior Intern, and not being toxicated by stress and overflowing histories and progress notes, I was truly able to appreciate what we are doing, and I felt that I am one with this place. I enjoyed the time that I am spending in the hospital, with my friends and even with the patients at times. I enjoy the fact that I am getting better with what I'm doing, learning lots of new stuff, and learning new techniques.
I always try to justify my feelings. So I said to myself, the main reason I'm already enjoying this internship is because I'm already getting the hang of things. I don't know with my other classmates, but now, I'm not so lost as I was a month ago. And like I said, I'm not a toxic person so I'm able to get into my own pace and be my own person. However, tomorrow we'll be starting another rotation, and only three of us will be left in the ward. Meaning, the bulk of the stress, divided into six, will now be divided to three only. But I'm still positive that I can do this, having this new enlightened heart. I only have my faith in God that He will deliver me from any of my difficulties.
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